since DDA was my entry point into the RZ (around this time of year, 2 years ago), it is really, really special to me. it does this cool thing where it just makes me cry like a baby. the track that made it all start to click into place was The Car Thief. it was the live version- the slow sadness in Molly's movements with that mask grabbed me by the heart and threw me face first into the pavement. my entry track, though, was Baja. that one took 2 tries over 2 years and man... it weirded me out. red demon man (why is he red? and naked?), holding an eyeball with a top hat (why an eyeball? why the hat? why is it bleeding?), on a background of fists (
). but that confusion drew me right on in.
while i am not fully capable of understanding a pre-9/11 world (since i was mostly preoccupied with eating and sleeping at that time), the album still manages to strike a chord with me. the feeling of disconnected sorrow runs through every track, manifesting in a different form for Loss, Denial and The Three Metaphors.
Lossall the tracks on this section are marked with a dreamy pessimism, a hazy sense of futility. which is fitting for loss as a concept.
Mr. Wonderful is all about "if"s. he does not actually think that there is any hope for his life to get any better, despite how little he expects. his life is at a dead end, but his disappointment is curbed by the fantasy of a life that would be, in his eyes, wonderful.
The Weatherman is more directly pessimistic, with a slow-ish beat, strange guitar, and violin that sounds almost as if it is crying. it sticks out to me as a sign to the listener that, no, none of the album will be directly about 9/11 itself, but about the feelings that came from it. this track calls to mind Inner Space from
Animal Lover which, considering the circumstances under which these albums were made, sort of makes sense. the lyrics here seem more helplessly tragic, though. the two share the common point of referencing specific imagery.
You're always calling me, but I'm never needed. I'm needy, I'm needy, I'm needing a new home.
Ghost Child strikes me as being a part of a 3-part story, told in reverse. it is the end of the tale told with it, Mickey Macaroni and Make Me Moo. the interpretation feels grim, but fitting, to see this track as being told by a child trying to navigate the afterlife, unable to move on. there is something that has happened to her that she cannot move on from. (the fact that the child is referred to as 'she' seems irrelevant to the 3-part story, since i am more focused on the position taken up, and that position is simply 'child'.) the child is in a purgatory of sorts, and since no harm can be done in it, no healing can occur either. it is purgatory, it is nothingness and the lived experience of it and its inescapable nature. it made me very sad when i realized that when the Singing RZ's voice is saying "She'd hold her breath for ever and ever", the child is saying "I'd hold my breath for ever and ever". that disconnection and helplessness is simply tragic. the observer and the victim are incapable of interacting- though i wonder who is who.
Caring is moody, but OH SO CATCHY. it, like The Weatherman, calls to mind a track from AL, Mother No More. the story in this one is really... i dunno, weird. this shows up in other tracks on the album, where the story is sort of unclear but the feeling is definitely there. this is a song about betrayal and preoccupation. the narrator tells that story, and tells us that those two aspects lead to an inevitable withdrawal into nothing. things became "too much", maybe.
Honey Bear, in all its forms (specifically the WoW version), is heartwrenching. right from the start.
Tell... me... why... I... am... so... scared?
AAAAAUGH. that one just stings. it's like they cranked up the dismal outlook of Mr. Wonderful to 11. the need to be loved, to be worth something again is powerful on this track. the narrator- he
was someone, and he has experienced Loss with such clarity that it seems to have wrecked him. everything around him needs to be fixed or rebuilt in some way, but his fear of staying where he is and never being someone who is loved withholds him from moving on. he will take anything he can get.
Now I wait for you to gag and grease me. Now I hope you'll hold me by the hair.
The Car Thief. where do i even begin on this one. the narrator (who, at this point, i will just call Ms. Wonderful), has experienced Loss in her own way. it seems that she has escaped a physically abusive relationship and experienced the loss of that individual who had hoped to render her passive and weak, but through her anger seems to have found relief from this in destruction. the burning car being compared to a shooting star is a particularly interesting image. setting it aflame contained her wish. she is refusing to carry the burden of her pain any longer. she may be bitter, but she knows she is not in the wrong.
Neediness brings us the first mention of the Demon, though it is present throughout the whole album. Mr. Wonderful, here, had made the strange choice to attempt to embrace and befriend the complicated being that is the Demon. staying in the cycle of grief and all it entails is not a good thing, but he believes that the Demon can be brought to the light and change, while never having to leave! for its own good, at that. in reality, he is begging the issue that got him in his current position to help him to not have to leave it. the cycle has become so familiar that he cannot imagine leaving it. he triggers his own Loss- by convincing himself that the Demon (which he believes can be known and can feel, act, and think as a person would) is leaving him.
i hear the singing at the end in two ways- "We need someone who needs someone," and "It's all gone wrong and it's all gone". the latter is probably correct, but it makes for interesting interpretations.
We all need someone who needs us.
that phrase, after the pained yelling of Mr. Wonderful sums up the issues in Loss pretty nicely. for some, that someone is a specific person. for others, it's anyone. or, it could be the world as a whole.
Denialthe track that opens this section,
Thundering Skies captures the idea of this section really nicely: let's ignore the fact that we have crossed the rubicon- the present and past are a confusing mess of events that we cannot help but look away from! nothing could possibly get worse, no.
Mickey Macaroni is the 2nd part of the story of the Child. at this point, the Child is clearly unaware of the severity of their situation. soon, the Child will go home and learn all that was unknown before. the Child expresses an angry innocence- Denial- about anything going on around them. they want whatever will call to mind a sense of familiarity and safety before they have to go "home".
Betty's Body is weirdly voyeuristic. Mr. Wonderful clearly longs for Betty, but Loss haunts him. he longs more deeply for Mother. his experience of Denial is that he does not face the fact that he misses her deeply, and he denies himself the possibility of Betty reciprocating his feelings- he cannot even imagine such a thing. he is more than shy, he's lonely. Betty reminds him of these feelings. so, he could never be her lover, or so he thinks.
My Brother Paul is, in my eyes, one of the most mainstream-sounding RZ tracks. ever. it has that vague storyline aspect that Caring has. they both seem to detail an experience of betrayal, but through different lenses. in this case, Mr. Wonderful experiences Denial by refusing to acknowledge the fact that, as far as i can tell, his brother was killed by someone he trusted, for that person's (possibly financial) gain. and he is being forced to accept that he has been betrayed.
Baja is silly skeleton island music and it threw me for a loop when i first heard it because i couldn't tap my foot to it. 10/10
The Three Metaphorsone would logically wonder where Anger, Bargaining and Depression lie in this album? well, here, i assume. they're all out of order and they all contain traces of each other.
The Beekeeper's Daughter would appear to have the withdrawn appearance of Depression. Ms. Wonderful focuses on the event that has made her so, so upset- a situation that she seemed to have been powerless in. the background has a chorus singing "Run, Daddy, run"- this sounds to me like her internal monologue as she reflects on it and possibly even relives it to no end. she experiences Anger here by trying to shut out others and bargaining by telling of how her father escaped his situation with a song- not something that seems realistic.
Leave me alone, I'm on the phone. I wish you'd only leave me alone.
she is not looking to work through what has happened. she wants only to be left alone to experience it in her mind in the hopes that she would be able to relieve herself of her sorrow.
Wolverines is a little bit more vague in nature, but still seems like it could be Anger. the description of children having their fingers bitten by seemingly harmless wolverine puppies evokes images of Anger, for sure. the adult animals trying to protect their young and failing due to those vulnerable members crying out invokes psychological imagery of attempts to protect the wounded self. but the wounded self, too, is not powerless or harmless. But to cause harm to either of those is not justified. through Anger, it may seem so. thus, Mr. Wonderful begs for forgiveness- placing the blame on something or someone else- the feeling, and by association- the Demon. and he experiences Bargaining through this. the experience of Depression is sung by the chorus:
No one succeeds if they scatter their seeds where the wind and the weeds are pleased.
there is no hope, apparently, for the wolverines. they have done just that- but so have the out of towners with their children.
Make Me Moo- here lies the beginning of the story of the Child, for us. something has occurred and the Child is now trying to find a way out of the hurt. that attempt, through wanting to be a cow, is the Child's experience of Bargaining. the Anger and Depression are harder to trace on this track- though the former could hypothetically be found in the demanding tone of the chorus of the track and the latter can be found here:
My heart was broken, broken. Cows are so open, open.
it seems as if things only get worse from here on out for the Child.
Tongueof course i would not neglect to mention Tongue. the story has a cyclical nature- similar to the cycle of grief. the same wound continues to be opened, allowed to heal, and reopened again. Tongue attracts people that, in the end, seem to be destroyed by his presence. despite this, he falls in love over and over, to the point where he does not know what to do. he is powerless in the face of the Demon- both his ability to attract and the inevitable death of those who he draws in.
Demons Dance Alonethis final track fits comfortably as an end to Neediness- the perception of the Demon as harmless, kind, almost sweet causing a painful, humiliating downfall. grief does not just leave if you play nice and treat it as a momentary experience- it seeps into every nook and cranny. and through isolation and confusion, it overstays its welcome. Mr. Wonderful tells of the hopelessness of his situation. in ignoring the truth of who and what the Demon is, it laid claim to his life. and so he dances alone.